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BOB MONKHOUSE, OBE
1928-2003

In April 2003, TV CREAM wrote a letter to Bob Monkhouse. A staggering and unusual thing to do, we're sure you'll agree. But the fact of the matter was, we wanted to find out more about THE GOLDEN SHOT and - well - we just wanted to write to Bob. As such a missive was despatched enquiring whether Bob would be willing to talk to us about The Shot, and naturally we also took the opportunity to make some complimentary comments about his seminal autobiography (Crying With Laughter) and - of course! - BOB'S FULL HOUSE.

The following week an email plopped into the TVC inbox from "jacandbob" entitled "The Golden Shot". It read in part…

"Thank you for your letter of April 15th. As regards your kind interest in The Golden Shot, there's a clip of it included in tonight's This Is Your Life Special, 8.00pm-9.00, on BBC 1. There's a bit of Bob's Full House too, a show I dearly loved to do. I'd be pleased to answer any questions about the series and am flattered that you speak so highly of my autobiography in which I included the broader anecdotes. We can do the interview however you prefer - e-mail, letter, fax - but I think you'd derive most from a phone chat. However, since I'll be in Barbados and California until May 25th, such a call would be expensive. If you can wait until I'm back in the UK, we could talk then... I hope to call you on [the TVC office phone number] but if not, please give my agent a reminder.

Every best wish,

Bob Monkhouse."

Now, there are so many things that are just great about this, but here's the top two. Firstly, we got to see what email stationary Bob used - a kind of blue cloudy backdrop, with the day of the week at the top in an animated metallic font and a winking smiley after Bob's name. And secondly, the mail was sent on April 23rd at just four minutes to 8pm; meaning that just before Bob sat down to watch his feature-length This Is Your Life go out on BBC1 - presumably with friends and family assembled - he nipped into his office and dashed off an email to TV CREAM.

Just over a month later the phone rang in TVC Towers. As normal, we were busy making an egg-custard and as the milky concoction came to the boil we picked up the receiver to hear the fruity tones of Bob Monkhouse on the other end. In a panic we asked Bob if he could hold the line for a second as the stuff was now boiling over and sizzling onto the hob. "Of course" he said. A frantic scurry later and we were ready to talk properly to the great man himself.

Now, the fruits of this conversation can be found online elsewhere , but let us just add that for us it was 21 minutes and 34 seconds of sheer thrill-power. Mr Monkhouse was generous with his knowledge, as witty as can be expected and utterly gracious about the whole affair. In closing he told us that he thought Les Dennis should move back to FAMILY FORTUNES as "that's where people like to see him" and was charming enough to thank us for the conversation - "It's been very interesting" he added.

At around 8am on Monday December 29th 2003 things were naturally quiet in TVC Towers. As the subs filed in after the Christmas break Old Man Dexter switched on the TODAY programme as usual. Jim Naughtie came on, talking about the death of one of Britain's best loved entertainers. After a long battle with cancer, Bob Monkhouse had died at the age of 75.

He was TV Cream's favourite TV personality ever. That he took the time earlier in the year to have a "phone chat" with us about a show he made 30 years ago is really something. That he's consistently entertained and amused us all for over 50 years is another something. British telly isn't going to feel the same anymore.

Thankfully Old Man Dexter knew what to do, and after hearing the BBC's obit in full the office ghetto blaster was then switched onto "tape". The old man then slung in that recording we'd made of Bob on the day and just played the bit over and over where he says "it was a period of great joy for me". We'll miss Bob Monkhouse.

"We all have to go sometime. I usually go during the commercials" - Bob on death.

Bob Monkhouse OBE, Rest In Peace.

TEN OF THE BEST

You’ve read how TVC was lucky enough to speak to Bob in 2003, and how he was as generous and funny as we’d hoped he would be. As an added tribute, let’s take the opportunity to look back at just why Bob was such a giant figure in the world of entertainment. We’ve picked ten examples of the many hundreds of shows Bob made over his fifty-year-plus career on television, and simply intend to indulge in some shameless reminiscence about the great man’s genius. And it all starts with...

FAST AND LOOSE (1954)
As you'll no doubt know, Bob was a prodigious talent and made his radio debut while still a teenager. In 1949 he was the first comedian ever to sign an exclusive contract with the BBC, and went on to write and star in virtually all the corporation's light entertainment shows, often in tandem with his writing and performing partner Denis Goodwin. In 1954, the pair were given their own sketch show, FAST AND LOOSE. It was announced as a series but, after having spent ages on the first show, Bob and Denis were knackered and knew they wouldn't be able to do another one any time soon. Conveniently, that first episode went out on the hottest day of the year, so at the end Bob pretended to faint and the BBC then put the rest of the series back six months.

As with all shows at the time, Fast and Loose was broadcast live and as such was riddled with cock-ups, with Bob and Denis regularly falling over or corpsing on stage. On one show Bob even managed to blow part of Charlie Drake's ear off. Ever the professionals, not only did Charlie continue the sketch without missing a beat, he even managed to come back on stage at the end, albeit wearing a hat at a rakish angle to cover it, and didn't collapse until after the show had finished. Bob and Denis continued to work together for many years afterwards, making such shows as the sitcom MY PAL BOB, which they made as an independent production and sold to the Beeb, thus ensuring they kept all the rights and, unusually for the era, all the tapes as well.

THE GOLDEN SHOT (1967)
Bob and Denis split up as a partnership in 1962, but Bob was well-established as a solo performer and thus carried on working tirelessly. He defected to the other side - "Hello traitors!" - to host CANDID CAMERA (smoking a pipe on air), starred in a number of films including CARRY ON SERGEANT, and also did dozens of shows for the BBC and ITV. He'd also started fronting game shows, which he enjoyed doing as they gave him a reason to be on the screen and guaranteed regular exposure. Hearing about THE GOLDEN SHOT, he was hopeful he'd be chosen as the presenter, but Lew Grade gave the job to the hapless Jackie Rae instead. Ten weeks in, with the show performing poorly, Bob was booked as the celebrity guest, and went down so well that five weeks later he was installed as the show's new host.

The Golden Shot was a sprawling mess of a game show that needed a presenter with real talent to stop it falling apart at the seams. It was broadcast live, of course, and the problems increased when they moved from Elstree to the tatty old ATV studios in Birmingham. Bob relished the regular cock-ups, all of which tested his improvisational skills - when a phone fell apart in his hands, he immediately quipped "It's not just broke, it's in the hands of the receiver" - and it became compulsive viewing for millions. In the end Bob virtually ran the show single-handedly, and started regular charity appeals and the like without even bothering to tell the ATV executives. In one show he even got to announce the end of a power workers' strike live on air.

However this came to an end in 1971 when he was accused of accepting bribes (specifically, a pornographic book) in return for featuring prizes on the show. Norman Vaughan and, later, Charlie Williams took over while Bob went off to do some shows for Thames, but neither could cope with the Shot's complex format and viewing figures quickly declined. So in 1974, having received hundreds of letters demanding Bob's reinstatement (all written by Bob himself), ATV cut their losses and invited him back, on the condition that he was only the host and didn't have anything to do with the format of the show. He immediately changed everything, and the show was a hit all over again, before the IBA told ATV to take it off in 1975 for having run too long.

CELEBRITY SQUARES (1975)
One of the conditions of Bob's return to ATV was that, after the 'Shot finished, they bought the format of Hollywood Squares off American telly and made Bob the presenter. So after Bernie the Bolt called it a day, Bob's Big Box Game Of Stars And Cars begin, originally in the same Sunday teatime slot. You could say that CELEBRITY SQUARES was the ideal format for Bob - as well as once more demonstrating his mastery of the quiz, cranking up the tension when required, it also involved many of his fellow comedians. Bob always had a genuine respect and affection for new up-and-coming comics, and was able to work with many of them here. After four years the original run ended, but Bob brought it back in 1993 when it was equally successful, despite the textbook line up of...
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[YVETTE FIELDING*] [FRANK BRUNO] [RICHARD DIGANCE]
[HUMPHREY LYTTLETON] [DUNCAN NORVELLE] [WOLF/A CHIPPENDALE]
[BERNIE NOLAN] [JON PERTWEE] [ADRIAN WALSH]
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*Faithfully introduced as "What's Up Doc's..."

FAMILY FORTUNES (1980)
Bob had seen Family Feud on American telly and negotiated to buy the rights for ATV. However then Michael Grade phoned up and asked if he'd consider swapping it for Card Sharks, which they'd bought for Bruce Forsyth. Bob declined, but both went on to be big successes, with Card Sharks being reformatted into PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT, and the newly-renamed FAMILY FORTUNES still running today. It was Bob who did most of the groundwork (as well as producer William G Stewart), thanks to his ace catchphrase "Name it!" and prop pocket watch to keep time. It was also the first game show on British telly were the jackpot rolled over into successive shows, fact fans.

Bob stayed with the show for four series, but got disillusioned with life at Central. The turning point came during a party to celebrate the show's hundredth edition, where Bob turned to new head of light entertainment Jon Scoffield and said "Here's to a hundred more, eh?", to which Scoffield replied "Oh, I doubt it." So Bob went off to the Beeb.

THE BOB MONKHOUSE SHOW (1983)
The first fruit of Bob's new deal with the Beeb was this long-running series, originally scheduled in the Monday 8pm slot opposite Panorama on BBC2, before later graduating to the main channel. The format was that of a chat show, but almost entirely scripted - the guests were all top comedians who performed their routines, then participated in "interviews" with Bob which were basically just a way of feeding them lines to do more gags. More often than not Bob would take part in the routines as well, showing his talent as a straightman.

Recent clips have served to remind that one of the best things about this was the fantastic studio set, ranging from your all-purpose performance area replete with lavish in-house orchestra to one side, to the cosy bureau-cum-salon where Bob would chat with his guests. The latter was like the man's own suburban comedy kitchen parlour, with photos of his heroes arranged on the partition walls behind. When Bob Hope shuffled on, even though he'd trotted out that version of Thanks For The Memory before ("I'll lay down the line/being on your show is fine...") it was somehow more poignant than ever thanks to the decades of history between the creaky artist and his one-time gag merchant. Bob loved doing the show, as it meant he got to work with many of his comedy heroes and introduce a number of new acts to British television - most famously Joan Rivers, but also the likes of Jim Carrey and Rita Rudner.

BOB'S FULL HOUSE (1984)
It may not be as well remembered as some, but BOB'S FULL HOUSE is one of the best examples of the game show ever transmitted. The format was strong - so much that it's been reused for at least two other shows - and Bob put in an absolute virtuoso performance as host. He could banter with the contestants, crank up the tension where necessary ("Sharon NEEEEDS five, Dave, you NEEEEEEED six!") and blatantly give all the answers away in the final round to ensure a happy ending.

Why Full House really excelled, though, was because it was simply one long excuse for Bob to show off. Originally it was planned to broadcast the programme live, but in the end this never happened. Bob liked flying by the seat of his pants, though, so he'd often simply write "Joke!" on his cue cards to spur him into thinking up an appropriate one-liner on the spot. Better still, by the end of the run he was walking onto the set without any notes about the contestants at all, not even their names, to ensure that the exchanges would be as fresh as possible. He also came up with two of the most fantastic catchphrases to ever grace a quiz show - "In bingo lingo it's clickety-clicks, time to take your pick of the six" for the Monkhouse Mastercard, and the concluding "Come round to my house, the doors are always open for you!" The show lasted for five fabulous years before Bob went back to ITV, and was a game show masterclass from start to finish.

BOB SAYS OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS (1987)
As king of comedy, Bob was the ideal choice to anchor the Beeb's revival of the classic talent show. Although little in way of amazing new talent was discovered - Rosser and Davies and Darren Day were probably the two most famous faces to come out of it - it was still amiable entertainment thanks to Bob's assured handling of the contestants. Often he'd give the comedians appearing advice on their material, and he'd try and make it to the auditions as often as he could. Lest we forget it was also the first show to use telephone voting, a major draw in its day. There was another fantastic catchphrase too - "When opportunity comes your way, don't knock it!"

Bob left the show in 1989 to return to ITV, and more quizzing followed with the likes of THE $64,000 QUESTION ("The right and obligation...", "In the third question of six...", "Should you wish to piss... er, we can get you out of there") and BOB'S YOUR UNCLE ("Well, the Parks will get their perks..."). However as the 1990s began, it seemed that he'd got a little side-tracked into game shows and wasn't fully using his immense talent as a stand-up. But then in 1993 came the publication of his incredible autobiography Crying With Laughter (currently out of print, alas), and the following year saw...

AN AUDIENCE WITH BOB MONKHOUSE (1994)
"Martyn Lewis can't be here tonight - that's the kind of good news we need more of!" This fantastic hour of comedy, undoubtedly the best of all the Audience With... shows, reminded the nation that behind the smarminess there was a giant of comedy. Bob got to do all his favourite routines, including some priceless Golden Shot anecdotes, and try out some new topical material as well ("GMTV? Give Me The Valium!"). Looking back, the celebrity audience is not that impressive ("Bobby Davro, you'll be remembered long after Robin Williams is forgotten - but not before"), but the material is 100% fantastic. There was also an 'unexpurgated' version of the show released on video, which was basically just a shitload more great gags ("I used to find all sorts of ways of irritating my first wife. Every morning, when I'd wake up - that would really annoy her").

Around the same time, Bob appeared on HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, and was so funny ("An anagram of Michael Portillo is 'I TALK BOLLOCKS'. Of course, that's give or take a letter") that he'd virtually reinvented himself overnight as a modern, cutting stand-up. He'd been doing it on stage for many years, but all of a sudden the broadcasters realised that he was more than a game show host.

BOB MONKHOUSE ON THE SPOT (1995)
Bob returned to the Beeb with two excellent series of stand-up comedy. Much of the material was derived from the week's news, and Bob illustrated that he was just as sharp, and as prolific a writer, as comedians less than half his age. It was around this time that Bob's cherished reference books were stolen ("Hello... and welcome... to... the show! See, no joke books and I can still ad-lib!"), but his incredible memory for jokes meant the show still ran smoothly. Indeed, the very best bit of this series was the final routine, where he'd ask members of the audience to come up with random words, and he'd link them via a string of gags. Another set of masterful performances by the great man.

THE NATIONAL LOTTERY LIVE (1996)
Pre-Bob, the lottery draw was an utterly tedious fifteen minutes fronted by the hopeless Anthea Turner, containing dull interviews with winners, and desperate attempts at 'banter' with the miserable John Willan. After Bob took it over, though, it became, if not must-see television, then certainly a hundred times more fun than before, kicking off with yet another fantastic topical stand-up routine, Bob rattling through dozens of quickfire, brilliantly written one-liners. A master of live television, Bob coped with all sorts of chaos during his regular stints on the show over two years, including one show where his autocue collapsed right at the start of the show and he immediately improvised a new stand-up routine on the spot. And there was the show where the lottery machine broke - cue Deadly; "Bob Monkhouse will now ask John Willan exactly what will be happening!" Bob: "John Willan, exactly what will be happening?".

In recent years, Bob became something of an elder statesman of comedy, presenting programmes like WHAT A PERFORMANCE and BEHIND THE LAUGHTER, full of intelligent and evocative observations on the laughter-makers' craft, and warm observations on his fellow comedians past and present. There were radio shows like THE MONKHOUSE ARCHIVE, and continued quizzing, most notably on the lunchtime staple WIPEOUT. Throughout all this, Bob never lost his love of comedy, always interested in new acts - he championed the likes of Tim Vine, and just last year put in a memorable appearance on PARKINSON, heaping generous praise on Peter Kay. Just a few weeks before his death, Bob was talking to the BBC about doing even more new shows. While we won't now be able to see these, we can take some comfort from the fact that thousands of hours of Bob are in the archives that we can enjoy again and again. And we will.